For most of my life, I’ve been leading the way in the grand amusement park of relationships. Planner-in-Chief. Map reader. Emotional GPS.
If you were lost, I’d find you.
If you didn’t know where you were going, I’d draw you a route map.
If you were stuck, I’d stop what I was doing, double back, and walk beside you, sometimes even ahead of you, until you felt steady.
And you know what? It was exhausting.
Because while I was busy leading, I wasn’t looking where I was going.
While I was holding the map for everyone else, I misplaced my own.
And while I was waiting for others to catch up, life was quietly moving on without me.
Sound familiar? Many of us are conditioned to be the emotional leaders in our families, friendships, and relationships. We are the ones who check in, follow up, smooth things over, and hold space for everyone else’s feelings. It feels noble until it starts to feel like unpaid emotional labor.
When Leading Turns Into Losing
The thing about constantly leading the way: you eventually lose sight of yourself.
You lose your boundaries because you’re so focused on being available.
You lose your energy because you’re constantly holding emotional space.
You lose your joy because you’re too busy checking if everyone else is okay.
And worst of all, you lose your sense of direction because you’re waiting for people who have no intention of ever catching up.
At some point, I had to ask myself:
“Who made me the leader anyway?” Did these relationships really need a leader, or was I just volunteering because it was easier than watching things fall apart? Was I stepping up… or stepping into roles other people were too lazy to fill?
And then came the toughest question: was I being unfair by stepping down? The answer was a loud, relieved no. I was allowed to relinquish my position. I wasn’t firing anyone from a job. I was quitting one that I was never actually hired for.
That’s when I realized, it’s time to let people get lost.
Letting People Get Lost is Not Cruelty, It’s Clarity
Because when you stop over-functioning for others, you suddenly notice just how capable they actually are when they have no choice.
The friend who never remembered birthdays? Suddenly remembers yours when you stop reminding them.
The colleague who always relied on you to send follow-up emails? Magically discovers how to use their Outbox.
The partner who claimed they “didn’t know what you needed”? Somehow figures it out when you stop spelling it out.
Letting people get lost is not abandonment. It’s an invitation for them to find their own way, or not.
Either way, it frees you to stop waiting at the crossroads with snacks and directions, hoping they’ll show up.
How to Lead Without Losing Yourself
If you’ve been the designated leader of your relationships, here’s how you can step back without feeling like a villain:
Draw your own map first. Get clear on what you want, where you’re headed, and what pace feels good to you.
Communicate once, clearly. Directions are helpful; repeating them fifty times is not.
Resist the urge to rescue. People learn faster when you don’t keep cushioning their fall.
Check in with yourself more than others. “Am I okay?” should be the first question you ask every day.
Celebrate the ones who keep up. The right people will not just follow your lead, they’ll sometimes lead you too.
The Freedom of Letting Go
The day I stopped being everyone’s emotional GPS, I felt lighter. I wasn’t resentful anymore. I wasn’t running on empty. And I wasn’t secretly keeping score of how much I had given versus how little I had received.
I was finally walking at my own pace, looking at the scenery, enjoying the journey.
And here’s the beautiful part: the people who truly wanted to travel with me found their own way back. The rest? Well, they’re probably still wandering somewhere. And that’s okay.
Because I am no longer waiting. I am leading, but this time, just for me.
Your Turn:
Have you retired from being everyone’s unpaid tour guide, too? Or are you still out there holding the flag and waiting for stragglers? Tell me in the comments, and share this post with a fellow over-functioner who needs a gentle nudge (or a cheeky shove) to put the flag down.
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla
in collaboration with Ratna Prabha.
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla
in collaboration with Ratna Prabha.
Spread the love
I can feel it.This empathy for someone’ suffering , this desire to help make things right , to hold hand … sometimes coming from a time when you did not have anyone to hold yours.
Your path is right – that of empowering so that they learn to tackle their problems on their own rather than looking for support every time. Giving can be exhausting and depleting.
Have you watched ” Small things like these”?
1. You lose your boundaries because you’re so focused on being available – My opinion I never make people feel I am always available as they will else take me as granted.
2. You lose your energy because you’re constantly holding emotional space- I am not holding emotional space anymore now and now I breathe free.
3. You lose your joy because you’re too busy checking if everyone else is okay. – Not at all and I maintain the balance as my enjoyment is equally important as to see all are Ok. Afterall to see all Okay is not just my job others too.
4. Others unpaid tour guide- Really I dont have time for that. And even I dont expect others to be for me. My mantra : live and let live
I agree. We have to make our own maps, emotional GPS, as you say. We can’t lead to become invisible after a point. Every soul has its own journey, so every person eventually has to chart his or her own way out of the maze.
The way you described carrying the “leader” role in relationships and then the exhaustion that comes with it, was relatable very much to me as I have been in such a situation in the past.
I used to be that person, showing people the way and making sure they got to their destination. Not anymore. My energies are now focused on my family and people who really matter. Mollycoddling people only makes them take us for granted. Let them be their own GPS. Nice concept this is!
I felt as if I was reading about myself. This is so relatable. I have shut myself down, but still get those occasional pangs of “giving”, trying to come out of my shell.
Really loved how you peeled back the “leader” mask and showed what happens when you stop being everyone’s emotional GPS. That piece hit home, especially the part about losing your own map while you’re busy holding everyone else’s.
God! Just today my friend was telling me exactly the same thing, and now your post. It is a clear sign that I should stop being the leader and step down too. Thanks.
I hear you loud and clear, Mayuri. I used to be just like you, but I have hung up my boots now. I see kids who are self-obsessed, and we have led a life of just giving. A polite no is what I offer now. I never knew self-care was not selfish. Once I turned 60, I stopped caring what those unknown faceless people say anymore.
This blog feels like right blog right time. Something I needed to hear as I figured my daily challenges, but now this blog gives me so much clarity. Thank you for sharing!
Really resonated with this piece — your candid insight into stepping back from being the “emotional GPS” is both liberating and deeply human. Well written, Mayuri!
This is an insightful post specially when it not only discusses about how taxing it is to lead in a relation but also what happens when people get lost. “Letting people get lost is not abandonment. It’s an invitation for them to find their own way, or not” this is a powerful message!
I forwarded this to my daughter. She loves to lead and often has no one to depend on. I think this will help her
This is so relatable and powerfully expressed. The metaphor of being the emotional GPS hits hard. Letting go isn’t cold—it’s reclaiming yourself.
Reading your post I’m slowly realising that I’ve been realising that I’ve been this way for a really long time and I’m still too
The efforts we put in to be there for someone else, lending an ear to their worries, giving them a shoulder to cry on, guiding them around the hurdles is very taxing. And it inevitably comes to our notice, when we need a guide, or have to rant, need a hand to hold for a support or a shoulder to cry on, there’s no one in sight….