Why I traded my double life for the one I love #30ColoursOfLove
Cheerful
Funny
Positive
Full of life
Vibrant
These are the adjectives attributed to me often, by people who know me offline and online. They hold true too. Well, at least they used to, till a while ago.
A few years ago life took a turn and left me in a place where I had no control over it. The lack of growth lead to a torpor which lead to emotional decay setting in. Stagnancy left me feeling hollow, angry, and bitter. I felt trapped and didn’t know the way out.
All through this phase, I kept up a façade of a happy me and wonderful life, Online, and to most of the people, I knew in real life too.
One day a stranger wrote to me saying that they prayed to have a life like mine. It was a note straight from the heart and reading it felt like a punch in the gut.
I felt like a fraud. What was driving me to want to lead a double life, to paint a false picture? I was not only living a lie but making people believe it too. Who was I trying to impress?
Soul searching meant being honest to myself. No one tells you that honesty makes you mad as hell before it gives you the answers you seek. So, the rage was added to the mix of all the toxic emotions already churning inside me.
We can’t direct people, circumstances, or situations to go our way. The one thing we can direct is us, and that I was I did.
I changed direction.
I made up my mind to not become the circumstances I was trapped in. I realized that validation was not a flavor I enjoyed anymore. I decided to make myself my only focus and began to change within, one step at a time. The journey of self-healing was aided by letting go, affirmations, meditation, and as corny as it may sound, waking up with a smile in my heart no matter what. The first step was the toughest to take but I am glad I found this new path.
I no longer live two lives, there is just this one person I am. Who is wonderful, cheerful, content, positive on the outside, and more importantly on the inside? Nothing around me has changed, but I have.
Loving myself didn’t mean buying a dozen lipsticks or only taking care of how I looked and dressed. Loving myself meant respecting myself. Of not harming myself with self-deprecating thoughts and destructive emotions. Loving myself meant forming and nurturing a relationship with myself, and realizing that I am the only constant in my life.
There is no destination I aim to reach, it is the journey of self-love that is enlightening and enriching.
I have learned to love myself so deeply that every other love in my life is just an accessory to it. I hope you do so too.
This blog post is a part of the Petals of Love Blog Hop hosted by Swarnali Nath
My personal story is an amalgamation of 3 of the 7 very wonderful prompts shared by Swarnali.
Anecdotes, Musings, Real life story based on love
The way you define love
Your Life Lessons From The Journey Of Love
Dear Mayuri, I really loved that you dared to open up and spoke your heart here, in the language of love. You spoke a lot and I could feel every bit of it. And somehow, in between the last part of this post, I could relate to every word as I went through the same. Loving yourself is the best love of the world. May your soul be healed with love and kindness. Thank you so much for joining us in the journey of love, I am grateful to you dear. Sending you lots of love. Best wishes ❤❤
Thank you, Swarnali, for hosting these wonderful Blog Hops with the most thoughtful prompts. They give me a chance to express myself.
You know we all go through such phases.. but the thing is, do we realise it and accept it? If we can accept our downfall of emotion.. from that same source we can evolve and turn the table in our favor.. thank you for sharing a bit of you.. wish you lots of sunshine..
More power to you, Mayuri. It is extremely liberating to be able to accept oneself and fall in love with ourselves. So glad to know you found your way to your own heart. Wishing you the very best ♥️
Kudos to you Mayuri ❤ You have put your heart out in this post. Loving isn’t easy but there’s always a way out. Much Love to you
So wonderful you could recognise the power of self love and how wonderful to write it all down to make a warm a powerful change in everybody’s life. Its always a treat to read you.
Deepika Sharma
It takes a lot of courage to accept yourself and be comfortable to being just yourself…. Not something that others want to see. And it takes a whole lot of courage to open up and put it out there. Now, that you have built that courage within you there is no looking back
This gave me inspiration in many ways. I felt motivated to accept, to love, to think at different levels. wonderful post…
Duality has become the norm in today’s SM crazy world and it takes immense courage to own up the real you. Kudos to you to have Chosen your own self with all its flaws and become flawsome by indulging in self love. I personally find this challenging and there are so many take aways from your writing for attaining the personal calmness or rather acceptance of own self . Lovely Post, Mayuri !
This is such an empowering post dear. I am sure it will give others the courage to form a deeper relationship with themselves. Loved reading about your journey of self-love ❤️
While reading the post, I had felt you are talking to us and sharing your innermost feelings in most elegant manner. I agree that sometimes it take a while to look deep inside and love yourself from within. your post has made me little emotional too.
I am all for accepting life as it is. Co-incidentally I wrote a similar post only last week. So glad you are in this phase Mayuri. The unapologetic acceptance of life is what we need more around us.
Dear Mayuri, it takes a lot of will power to actually look within, accept those self deprecating thoughts and work towards erasing them. I’m proud of u
I totally get it. People used to say the same to me and I always felt it was so wrong.. There’s so much I wouldn’t want anyone to have from my life and all I’ve seen. That needed me to represent myself more truly to both myself and the world outside.
Well said, Dr Roshan.
I think many of us will easily relate to this candid post, Mayuri. There certainly comes a phase in life when we no longer want to forge the smiling face for the sake of acceptance and validation. That is the time when we start realizing the value of real happiness that emanates from loving ourselves unconditionally. The best kind of love is undoubtedly SELF LOVE. Glad to know that you have already started relishing this eternal journey of loving yourself. Much love!!
Glad it resonated with you, Navita. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Self love explained ti the purest!! Not being sorry and accepting life as it goes by, life is all about this!
Thank you,Sadvika.
Self-love is the best gift we can give ourselves. I’m glad that you’re enjoying this no-need-for-validation phase. When nothing changes, it best comes from within.
Thank you,Varsha.
You rock girl ..thats what self love is accepting yourself and respecting yourself. There are many so called influencers aka bloggers who sell the notion of starving bodies, diet etc etc and I really don’t understand that kind of love
Thanks so much, Ruchi.
Why I traded my double life, for the one I love!! It’s an attractive replenishing heading that pulled me inwards, like a gravitating force!! I’m an advocate of self love too and how shedding a facade, can liberate us to the core. I’m so glad you came out of your prejudices and started living in self acceptance and awareness! Isn’t this real freedom ❤️Lovely post!!
Thank you, Daisy. Glad it resonated with you.
It takes guts to accept our flaws with pride; you have such power Mayuri, it feels great that I got to know you, a powerful soul, through blogging. You are an inspiration. Well said, Self-love is not buying lipsticks. It is respecting our own selves in every way!
Your words made my day, Archana. Thank you for reading.
That’s a profound thought and you have soulfuly articulated it. I second, most of the women can relate to what has been mentioned. Much love and power!
Thank you, Maha.
Wow Mayuri so well written,it’s so true for this self love but unfortunately only few realise it and I pray that people read ur blog as you have put it up so well and realise that how essential it is for each one of us.Happy writing and wishing you all the best for more of these .God bless❤️
Thanks so much, Dr Preeti, for your encouraging words always.
Kudos to you, Mayuri. It takes a lot of courage to accept our flaws and then mend our ways. Very few accept it whole-heartedly and do what their heart and mind seek. Self-love is not selfishness but a magic potion that is essential to our existence.
A view to life which we complicate. I feel you dear. I felt the dand and I did what you are doing stopped myself from bring people pleaser and now focusing on what I like.
Thanks so much, Urvashi.