Anti Valentine Poetry

Anti-Valentine Exercise on Caferati;

Post poems in any format for St Valentine’s Day.


Make them unromantic. Go ghoulish. Go bizarre. Be funny. Whatever. Just no soppy verse. The basic idea is to parody the hearts and flowers excesses that the greeting cards companies put us through. 

P:S: When I wrote these poems I was single. They are way too much fun to not share though. Do enjoy reading them in the spirit they were written in . Caferati was the first writing group I was part of. We had fun while we honed our writing skills. I miss that group!



It’s Valentine’s! It’s Valentine’s!
Just one more excuse
For men to waste my time

They promise me the stars
They promise me the moon
Excuse me, was I expected to swoon?

Chocolates, flowers, diamonds
Poetry so swell
Yes, your heart beats for me, thank you
But could you take that away as well?

They ask me out to dinner
Or “C’mon! At least a coffee, please?”
I roll my eyes and look heavenwards
Thinking of hara-kiri

Cupid, you’ve got 
Some serious answering to do
For your badly aimed arrows
That land me in a soup

When I finally get up there
Right next to you
I’ll swear I’ll snap your 
Bloody bow and arrow into two!

It’s Valentine’s! It’s Valentine’s!
Just another excuse
For men to waste my time


Cupid, Dear Cupid
I’m going to sock you one
You overweight, under clad, myopic twit
Your aim really sucks!

I’m going to sever your arrows
Snap your bow into two
I’m going to rip off those foolish wings
(Do they really help you fly?
I doubt they do)

I’m negotiating with Satan
(In exchange of your soul,
if you must know)
To punish you with Aishwariya Rai
While with
Abhishek I elope!

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