My Husband and I are as different from each other as apples differ from oranges. Amongst our many differences the one I couldn’t come to terms with was that he is messy while I am a neatnik.
I am organised and meticulous while he is carefree about being disorganised. There is a place for everything and everything in place is my mantra while my husband believes otherwise.
I used to keep fretting to myself wondering why he couldn’t be neater and more like me when I realised what if he thought the same? What if he wondered why couldn’t I be less organised and more like him?
This thought bought instant clarity, about the differences between people and our acceptance of them.
How many times have we internally fretted about different issues?
‘I loved Maths and excelled in it, why does my Son hate it and is so poor at it!’
‘I love cooking and find it therapeutic, why can’t my daughter enjoy it like I do instead of grudging it?’
‘Why isn’t my spouse fun loving and adjusting like other spouses?’
Do we like being accepted as we are or do we like it when we are corrected?
There are different dimensions to each person. The right thing to do would be to accept them all. What facet may not seem right to you maybe one of the facets the person is proud of.
Imagine how it would make you feel if you were asked to change an aspect you thought was your forte? When you set out to classify and customise people there is a chance that you may erase an aspect of the person that is very dear to them.
The key is to let people be and accept them as they are. Offer ideas and suggestions only when genuinely asked for.
Everyone is perfect, in their eyes at least. Share on X
Same with me and my wife. I am hardly ever worried about being organised whereas my wife wants everything spick and span and kept in its place. For this reason she never allows me inside the kitchen though I am very eager to try my hand at cooking. There was a time when I used to cook regularly before marriage but now other than washing utensils sometimes when I am alone at home I never get an opportunity to cook. But we accept each other as we are and my wife is my soulmate and the love of my life.
Thats very profound… what if some one wants me to be the way he or she thinks is right. And doing so I will end up killing self and loosing my identity.
We are not the xerox copies of some but our own original copy!
The title and the last line…both are superb, liked the way you have analyzed.
We should try to accept the people they are but the other dimension that is…when i will analyze myself and someone who really cares for me if asks to change any of my habits then we should give it a thought..i don’t need to mention it as we all do it less or more.
That is an important dimension you mentioned, Jyotirmoy. Not many people realise or think they have to change, which is why suggestions need to given after much thought:) Thank you so much for always reading and for your encouraging words.
Profound thoughts in such simple words! You have just given a gentle push to everyone, and in the right direction. Very nice article.
Thank you, Sapna. For stopping by and enjoying the read:)
I agree that acceptance is important but it is very tough to do so especially when you live with the person. Also what about trying to nudge good change? What if someone in the family has a bad habit or is harming their health? It won’t be good to accept the bad habit, right! A better thing to do is to find a middle ground. So both the parties budge to a place that is acceptable to both of them. This strategy can really help.
Rachna, in my experience no one has changed, habits or themselves, until they wanted to. I have become the bad guy whenever I have suggested a change/better alternative to a damaging habit or behaviour. So now I accept and live with it. Thanks for reading:)
I agree with you that acceptance play very important role. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post.
Thanks for reading.
True, Mayuri….accepting people as they are reduces a lot of stress in any relationship. Although it is easier said than done..but, with practice I guess we can achieve it! It will save us a lot of heartache..and headache, too! 😛
Easier done than said, for me. No headaches anymore, either!Thanks for reading, Shilpa:)
The situation is same at my place dear but I am not as wise you are. I get angry at times and then later give up, you advice is an eye opener!
I realised I could be wise, or otherwise. Didn’t enjoy the otherwise bit at all:))) Thanks for reading, Roma:)
What you’ve said about the husband-wife relationship is exactly what happened with me. That switch flipped one day where I learnt to let go and accept him for his strengths and love him for the man I married, not the man I want him to be.
And you know what? The opposite happened almost naturally. Now we’re at the space where we are moving together on so many things. Took us over 16 years but hey, perfection needs practice 😉
You bet, perfection needs practice!:))) Thanks for reading, Shailaja!:)