‘Kaali/Kaala’ (dark skinned)
‘Mota/Moti’ (fat)
‘Tinga/Tingi’ (short)
‘Duffer’ (dumb/slow)
‘Andha/Andhi’ (blind)
‘Don’t gossip /cry/behave like a woman!’
‘Why are you so aggressive? It makes you look manly.’
‘Girls should play with dolls’.
‘Buys shouldn’t wear pink.’
‘Don’t swear like a fisherwoman’.
‘Why are you behaving in this low-class manner?’
‘No one will marry you if you become fat.’
‘If you don’t earn enough you won’t get a good girl.’
We’ve all heard at least one of these terms, either directed at us or directed at somebody we know. We have also probably even used one, if not more, of these terms, even if just in jest, with friends or siblings.
How many people were scarred by terms like these used carelessly or even purposely?
I was called ‘Kaali’ by my relatives. They took care to address me thus when my parents were not around. Luckily I just grew up wondering why they called me a goddess (Goddess Kali) and one day finally questioned my Mom about it.
I wish I could say things changed after that, they didn’t. I was gifted ‘Fair and Lovely’, was told which colors I should never dare to wear (keep away from red, that color is only meant for fair girls like our daughters. ). In fact, I am still called Kaali. Honestly, it never affected me then and it doesn’t affect me now.
My childhood has led me to believe that the seeds of discrimination are sown at home. At times at an age so tender that the terms used for you are stuck in your mind and you begin to believe another’s perception of you.
A child learns his/her initial values at home. Growing up he believes that his elders know the right thing, which is why what a child sees or hears becomes the reality for them. It takes years, education, and exposure for those thoughts to change, if at all.
It helps to be mindful before you think a thought or voice it. As you never really know whom it would affect and to what extent. Teach children the right values. Teach them not to judge a person or treat them differently on the basis of how they look, how they are, and what they do. Inclusivity can make the world a better place, and us better people.
Respect should be given to all, only then can it be enjoyed mutually.
Last year my choice of topic for Cause a Chatter was Mental Health, a cause very close to my heart. This year I choose to write on and highlight ‘Discrimination’. Through my posts, I hope to create awareness and nudge the conscience of my readers.
Blogchatter has chosen Inclusivity as the overall theme for 2022. Let us all understand this word, put it to use, and help make the world a more inclusive place where everyone is respected and everyone matters.
This is my 2nd post for #CauseAChatter a campaign with Blogchatter.
You can read my 1st post here
My 2nd post here
I chose #Discrimination as my topic and will be writing a post a month on this topic.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with RRE Studios and ShowCase Events.‘
This is so true! Somehow I watch what I say to my kids. And even though we are used to saying ‘don’t cry like a girl’ without thinking, i dare say that to my kids ever.
You know Mayuri, while I was going through your blog, I realized that consciously or unconsciously, I use names tools. with my daughters. Ofcourse mine is not seeped in discrimination… its just teasing them but that too gets imprinted on their young minds. I have to be very careful… thank you for this awareness.
This is so true.. knowingly or unknowingly we many a time discriminate but the one who hears it have an ripelling thoughts in mind. Surely this cause has to be taken care of
U know reading this I realize one thing no matter how well educated the person is still discrimination is like an inbuilt thingy and some how people no matter what level of doctorate they earn mentality still remain low.
Such words are mostly meant to hurt and it helps to develop a thick skin, but can all of us do that? This kind of discrimination is damaging at any age. Quite a relatable post!
This is so true!! I have been through this.
Discrimination seeps in quietly. Sometimes we imbibe it unknowingly, and practice it without understanding the ramifications. Being mindful is the only way to overcome the inherent biases.
I agree totally, Mayuri. I have been called so many names as I was short and skinny. And I cannot even share my pet name which is really weird. My husband was called Kallu because he was dark. It is high time that we put a stop to this. Family doesn’t realise how much they are hurting you.
You are absolutely right. People don’t think before saying things but it stays in the mind of the one it is said to. In India, certain words are curse words that are actually discriminating.
“E Chasmish”, is what ive heard since my childhood from near and dear ones and incidentally my children also use glasses since a young age. Feeling the shame and burden of wearing specs, I have made it a point to not let anyone bully or bodyshame my children ever. Ive taught them to accept it as an aceessory for your self, boosting their confidence and self image. This post is eye opening.
I completely echo your sentiments. My parents raised me abroad and are open minded but when I moved to India I was constantly made aware of my skin tone. Older relatives used to comment on my weight ALL THE TIME- either I was too fat or thin. I made it a point to never treat any children this way and now I have a niece and I want her to be who she wants to be as long as she is happy
Oh yes Mayuri, all these terms are used loosely by people intentionally or intentionally. I must have done it too. I know when it is said to your near and dear ones how it feels. It’s to do with your upbringing and environment around you. People should mind their words and mind their own business instead of poking into something which is not even remotely related to them.
Completely relate with your post. I have been a heavy body kid and I am still on the heavy side. So I am often teased as moti. My mother always supported me and never let me feel down because of my body but the family and society won’t back off. So now I have learnt not to listen to them and I do not discriminate anyone on these bases I believe someone would take me as an example and so on and hopefully discriminating will be stopped.
It all begins at home. I always keep a check how I address them or another person in front of them. We should be setting a good example .
So true a child learns his/her initial values at home. We need to think twice before we say anything to our kids.
Come to think of it, these phrases have become such a norm that one does not realize how damaging they can be. Growing up, of all things, I was always castigated for being too tall.
I have faced discrimination alot. And now I don’t even care. These words are meant to hurt. People don’t care about others tbh. I feel your post but the outside world is harsh.
This is the reality. Even unconsciously we use such discriminatory terms at home. We have to be more mindful.
Dont cry. Are you a girl…!!
this has made my childhood more sensitive. This phrase seems a common one but goes deep dpwn. love your post
It’s true, sometimes we say things without realizing their repercussions!
Yes of course we all have heard these, I was the fatty, It affected me a lot, I still believe I am a fatty. it was in my childhood, they sowed the seed, the tree is upright, I keep pushing such thoughts away and try to like myself as I am. I am careful and use constructive words with kids around me, be it mine or any other child.
Well-said Mayuri! It really resonated with me as I was the victim of fat-shaming and sometimes still am!