How time flies when you are having fun! Well, 6 months of the year have flown by before I could even count them! Safe mark for an update on the resolutions, methinks.
Just to refresh your memory; Like everyone else, I had made some Resolutions at the start of this year. Unlike everyone else, I fully intended to keep them. How have I done? Read on to find out…
*This year I promise, to take to drinking…at least 12-14 glasses of water every day. All my belongings are being shifted to the loo as you read this.
I am now a certified drunk. At every given opportunity, I glug back water like a thirsty camel. And boy, does it work! Better than any face cream or pack I have ever tried! And cheaper too! Actually, almost free! And thanks to the loo now being my second room, I have taken to decorating it with plants, candles and little figurines. Debating between putting in a television set and a magazine rack in there now…
*This year I promise, to stop smoking…at the ears. No more losing-my-cool. No more temper tantrums. I shall face temper-triggers smiling peacefully at images of me mentally assassinating the people who infuriated me, instead.
Smoking is certainly bad for health. Whether you smoke a cigarette, or at your ears. The only drawback of facing-temper-triggers-smiling-peacefully-at- images-of-me-mentally-assassinating-the-people-who-infuriated-me, is that I get a peculiar look on my face which kind of puts me in the category of people I fondly refer to as ‘cuckoo.’ So, this resolution needs a bit of amendment. And I now intend following it without expression.
*This year I promise, to forgive and forget all my old enemies…its high time I made new ones.
Enemies. What enemies?
*This year I promise, to stop lending my shoulder to people to cry on…though it is still available for a per-minute fee.
This was the best one, by far! After Godknowshowmanyyears have I realized what it feels to have burden-free shoulders. These days the only things my shoulders feel are the expert hands of a masseur.
*This year I promise, to keep my mouth shut…and eyes and ears open. I have been living my life the other way around up till now and truth be known, the ‘I-only-open-mouth-to-change-feet’ way of life is kind of affecting my dental-health a little.
Well, I have to confess, this was the toughest one to follow. But what is that saying “when the going gets tough…” And so I am learning to zip up, with great difficulty, but I AM! Difficult task when your eyes and ears are open, but I AM!
This year I promise, to make patience one of my virtues…kidding ya!
This resolution backfired for a bit. Because I became so calm, that when people weren’t assuming that I was dead, my much-worked-for-calm demeanor was being mistaken for indifference, selfishness and whatnot. But hey! As a bonus I’ve learnt you can’t please everybody, so though I have toned down my ‘calmness’ a bit I am still maintaining it. Come hell, high water or misunderstandings!
* This year I promise, to be more technologically-friendly…anything with more than 2 buttons gets me to panic like mad. More than 5 buttons and I am a frazzled woman. Add light, sound and moving things and I am there on the floor, in a dead faint, frothing at the mouth.
Yes, I am called “gavar” (not the vegetable and not affectionately, either) by people around me, but no worries. Who knows, at the end of this year I may just launch a spaceship.
Well, I bought myself a new cell phone. And learnt to operate it. And learnt to listen to music on it. And learnt to use the hands free and actually talk into it. And learnt to take calls *without cutting them* while listening to music. And learnt to take calls in call waiting *without cutting everyone off and shutting the phone down* And learnt to download . stuff. And that’s it, for now! What were you expecting? Me to become a techno-whiz overnight?
* This year I promise, to start driving…no longer people up the wall, but an actual engine and metal car, on the road. (I realized the spaceship thingy above is a tad too ambitious for a techno-phobe-on-the-mend.)
*Guiltily slinks away into a corner and whispers from there* No time. No inclination! Yada-yada-yada.
But let me look at the bright side, there are still 6 months to go!
* This year I promise, to conquer my personal demons…namely chocolates, shopping, procrastinating, straightening frames and crooked objects in my own home/other peoples homes/hotels/restaurants/shops and digressing, to name a few.
Please stand up and applaud, because except for chocolates *which I am scarfing down like they are my last few edible moments on earth* and digressing *which I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing* I have CONCIOUSLY conquered all!
* This year I promise, to never again ignore my gut instinct…for the kick-in-the-butt that follows when I ignore-my-gut makes me resemble J Lo from certain angles.
There is nothing wrong in looking like JLo.But when people start mistaking your much-kicked behind for a ledge and start placing things or seat children on it, that’s when you know you need to stop kicking or start working out *depending on what caused it* So, since I no longer resemble JLo *I stopped kicking* more applause for this please.
*This year I promise, to save 25% of my earnings……………………………………………………………………………the previous statement has set the writer rolling on the floor with unbridled laughter and unable to complete her list.
The writer finally got up from the floor. Stopped guffawing. And started saving up. And is chuffed about it! And promises to sign autographs when you meet up with her.
Note to self : Resolution for next year : Downsize swollen head.
that’s quite a progress ! Good going.
Enjoyed reading it. I will wait for your spaceship launch
Good going!! Wishing you the best for the remaining 2019.
Cracked me up again. What a humorous beginning to my day.