#Humor

What I say & what I mean: My Resolutions for 2019! #NYR2019


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The last time I made a New Year’s Resolution AND followed it through was when I was 9 years old. I swore, “I will write in my Cursive Writing Book everyday” and I did. The end result was beautiful writing.

Proof that New Year Resolutions work IF they are feasible (I badly failed my ‘I-will-marry-George-Clooney-this-year’ 2005 resolution) and you follow through (And I badly failed it because I didn’t follow through with it) with them.

What I say-Mean- Resolutions-2019-Sirimiri

So, here is my realistic list of resolutions for 2019 that I seriously intend following;

This year I promise to take to drinking. At least 12-14 glasses of water every day. All my belongings are being shifted to the restroom as you read this.

This year I promise to stop smoking. At the ears. No more losing my cool. No more temper tantrums. Instead, I shall face temper-triggers smiling peacefully, at images of me mentally assassinating the people who infuriated me.

This year I promise to forgive and forget. All my old enemies. It’s high time I made new ones.

This year I promise to stop lending my shoulder to people to cry on. Though it will still available for a per-minute fee.

This year I promise to keep my mouth shut. And eyes and ears open. I have been living my life the other way around up till now and truth be known, the ‘I-only-open-mouth-to-change-feet’ way of life is kind of affecting my dental health a little.

This year I promise to make patience one of my virtues…kidding ya!

This year I promise to be more technologically-friendly. Anything with more than 2 buttons gets me to panic. More than 5 buttons and I am a frazzled woman. Add light, sound and moving things and I am there on the floor, in a dead faint, frothing at the mouth.
Yes, I am called “gavar” (not the vegetable and not affectionately, either) by people around me, but no worries. Who knows, at the end of this year I may just launch a spaceship.

This year I promise to start driving. No longer people up the wall, but an actual engine and metal car, on the road, a populated road. (I realized the spaceship thingy above is a tad too ambitious for a techno-phobe-on-the-mend.)

This year I promise to conquer my personal demons. Namely chocolates, shopping, procrastinating, straightening photo frames and crooked objects in my own home/other people’s homes/hotels/restaurants/shops and digressing, to name a few.

This year I promise to never again ignore my gut instinct. For the self-kick-in-the-butt that follows when I ignore-my-gut makes me resemble J Lo from certain angles.

This year I promise to save 25% of my earnings.

The previous statement has set the writer rolling on the floor with unbridled laughter and unable to complete her list.

This post is part of a Blog Train hosted by Prerna, Vartika and Alpana and sponsored by Pandora’s Box and Recipe Dabba.

Resolution-Sirimiri

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88 Comments

  1. Mayuri Nidigallu Anagha Yatin

    This is it, Mayuri!
    Had me smiling, then giggling and then monstrous laughter.
    You nailed it. From belongings rushing to room to button-less space ship, each resolution took one notch higher on entertaining, captivating front. My favourite pick is smoking by earThought isnt that a good idea to enjoy some worry free, healthy smoking

    1. Glad you enjoyed the read, Anagha:)

  2. Drink and drive, my dear M. There are restrooms on the way!
    This was the perfect thing to read this morning. I’m in splits!! And oh, please do give a heavy friend’s discount for your shoulder because I sure ain’t going to leave yours alone.

    1. Noted, Varsha:)) Thanks for reading.

  3. Haha! Yes, I too am on the verge of rolling on the floor with laughter. But I am panicking too. Such ambitious resolutions are giving me a complex of sorts. *running to make my own list

    1. Hahahahaha, thanks for reading, Anupriya!:)

  4. There is that tinge of Wodehouse in your writing which is what you should be focusing on… you do have the ability to see humour even in difficult situations. Nice post. 🙂

    1. Now that is a huge compliment! Thanks for that and for reading, Arvind!:)

  5. LOved the list Mayuri, I share most of the points with you. especially learn to drive, I has been pending so long and I want to do it this year anyhow. all the best to you and may you achieve all the goals which you wished. #NYR2019

    1. Thank you, Surbhi. Wishing you a wish fulfilling 2019 too!:)

  6. *smiles (no laughs) ear to ear*
    Hilarious post M, witty and beautiful. Love your resolutions and the passion to achieve them all. May I plz add, this year we have one more thing planned to ace up some figues related to some weird abbreviations.
    Good luck.

  7. Smiling cheek to cheek! It is kind of hard to imagine a Mayuri throwing temper tantrums but it’s nice to know that I don’t know that side of you and hopefully by the time we meet in person you have achieved your resolution

    1. Lololol! True that, I never do things by halves, so when a temper tantrum comes along it has all the bells and whistles!:)))

  8. Simply awesome… I am going to follow the smoking one too mentally assasinate. Hope you have a great year.

    1. It’s the best way to handle tough situations, Manisha. Wishing you an awesome 2019 too!

  9. Yes we do , Dips, and we shall!:)) Thank for reading!

  10. Hahaha! That’s a good one, Mayuri. I am convinced some of my resolutions will meet with similar fate. I am certainly conquering my personal demons. Though I will continue to drive people up the wall and not the car. 😀

    1. Always happy to know someone else who only drives, people up the wall!:))

  11. Such a hilarious post that is Mayuri. I love the way you have presented it. I am laughing as well as nodding my head in agreement to most of what you’ve shared here. All the best with these for 2019.

    1. Glad you had a laugh, Jayanthy 🙂 Thanks for reading.

  12. hhahaha amazingg postt! loved it

  13. That’s a comprehensive and a very thoughtful list dear. I wish I thought half as seriously and strongly about the year ahead as you do.

  14. Oh God! Such a hilarious post, Mayuri. Thanks for the morning laughter. Hope you will not forget your friends after finishing the entire planning of spaceship in the restroom and then finally launching it. Lol. As I am adept in driving people up the wall, can’t leave it so will continue as it is not an offense unlike driving a car over some poor fellow. Thanks for being a part of this blog train.

    1. Glad the post got a laugh out of you, Vartika. Thank you for reading.

  15. Mayuri Nidigallu zainab

    A humour like yours is not be found. Smoking- I think I need to give that up too. 😉
    And, jokes apart wishing you a healthy new year.

    1. Thanks for your warm words, Z.

  16. Witty n fun take on the subject, the best way to convey ur thoughts to the readers. I loved it thoroughly n looking forward to more such

  17. Wow Mayuri, this is such a pleasure to read. I loved each and every word and especially the way you have used humor in talking about your resolution.

    1. Glad you enjoyed my post, Rakhi.

  18. That was such a hilarious read Mayuri, made my day. So now that I didn’t find you’re getting much ambitious, launch a spacecraft, fly high with better health and peace of mind (with technology)

    1. Hahahahah, good one, Jhilmil! Thanks for reading!

  19. I wish you strength and courage to complete your resolutions this year. Driving has always been advantageous to me. And controlling anger hours hand in hand with shutting up and speaking only when required. One resolution I am also working upon this year.

    1. Here is wishing we both achieve our resolutions!

  20. After management is on my list also this year. Driving has always proved to be advantageous to me.

  21. Starting to drink had me hooked. These are really great resolutions to live life better. But the marry George Clooney one was too good.

  22. Mayuri Nidigallu Deepa

    Haha! I am reading it late at night when everyone is asleep. I hope I didn’t wake anyone up as I laughed aloud while reading it. Wonderful, hilarious, superb post, M. Enjoyed reading it completely. Good, I read it at the end of a busy and tiring day.
    ‘Instead, I shall face temper-triggers smiling peacefully, at images of me mentally assassinating the people who infuriated me.’ – My favourite part. 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading, Deepa.

  23. OMG absolutely hilarious. What a take on the prompt. Launching a spaceship is more than am ambition than resolution. awesome

    1. Glad you enjoyed the read, Alpana.

  24. Mayuri Nidigallu Kavita Singh

    hahaha loved reading it and how on a point you have written it that I could relate to all. The point of keeping mouth shut and ears open is so meant for me.

  25. these are great resolutions to have. All the best for that. Taking up driving is the best thing you can do. Driving is pretty relaxing – not during office hours though.

  26. Love the post, you made a smile while reading it. Things like shopping and saving money is not in my dictionary.

  27. Ha ha ha.. this post is just so ‘you’. I wish to stop smoking too. Oh and driving has been on my list forever. I need to resolve to see my resolutions through.

    1. Best of luck with your resolutions!I know I’ll need loads of luck with mine!:))

  28. I had to come back to say – Tough luck with the Clooney thing.

    1. I know, right! He truly missed out on me!:))))

  29. Girl, you made my morning!! What a hilarious post. You have done justice to the prompt!! I can so relate with the smoking part!!

    1. Glad you loved the read, Keerthana. Thank you.

  30. Enjoyed reading your post. But, learn driving for sure. Even I have postponed it a long time and atlast now iam enjoying driving my car.

    1. I really hope to, Ramya! Thanks for reading!

  31. This is you at your hilarious best. I had read the post on the day you published but I still enjoyed reading it again. I hope some of these highly doable resolutions come true (wink wink)

    1. Lol! I hope so too, Sonia! Thanks for reading!

  32. Hilarious post M. You have that thing in you to make most terrible horrifying things humorous. In with you in smoking, drinking and driving part. 😉

    1. Glad you had fun reading it, Pragnya 🙂

  33. I too want to forgive my old enemies and find new ones…that sounded hilarious 😀

  34. Very healthy resolution but i think if you will follow these rules indeed you’ll get a lot of benefits

    1. I hope to, Shahnila. Thanks for reading.

  35. Mayuri Nidigallu Shivani

    Loved, loved, loved this hilarious, tongue-in-cheek take.
    May the force be with you.

    1. Hahahahaha! Thank you, Shivani!:)

  36. Hahhaha , such a witty post. I can feel you and can co-relate to some of these for sure. Your writing skills are perfect! Never ever stop writing, you’re the best in expressing things in a humorous way as well. Very few can master this technique 🙂
    #vigorousreads #blogtrain #NYR2019 #Newyear_bloghop

    1. Varsha, your feedback means more than you know. Thank you for reading and I am glad you enjoyed the read.

  37. I am already a fan of your writing and this post is again an example for me. Resolutions are always serious stuff (read my post, you’ll know :)) but how you added the flavor of humor here is amazing. Badhiya!!

    1. You have made my day, Shipra. Thank you so much, for reading and for your warm words.

  38. Loved the post Mayuri. So refreshing. Your wit and humour are intact and makes this piece very entertaining. Not only the writer but I’m sure most readers are rolling on the floor too!

    1. Thank you, Prerna. You guys had a fantastic topic for the Blog Hop!:)

  39. Your witty post left me in tears of happiness. May you frame more resolutions. #NYR2019 # Newyear_bloghop

  40. You’ve made my monday morning awesome and a hilarious one with this awesome post. Liked the way you have infused humour and wit in the post.

  41. so good, handling tough things with humor that’s what is required to lead happy life.Amazing resolutions good luck to complete them

  42. Loved your wit and humor. beautifully written post. 🙂 Happy New year

    By the way.. even i plan to drive this year ( drive car, drive people crazy both )

  43. Mayuri Nidigallu Sudeept

    Now this is what I call ‘Humour’! Terms like ‘hilarious’ or ‘witty’ don’t really do justice to this post. This was a laugh RIOT through and through.
    THE best one that I’ve read so far on this prompt (including my own)

    Gotta subscribe to your blog

  44. Fantastic read. Entertaining..and full of life…keep writing

  45. Mayuri, so creatively humorous post. I kept laughing when I scrolled down your list, the last one for me is unacheivable:)

  46. Mayuri Nidigallu Alka Mishra

    Super awesome.loved reading your post.

  47. Haha, even the reader is rolling on floor. Loved every bit of the post. 🙂

  48. Hahahaha, d humor of d write up is excellent…! Quirky n funny

  49. Super hilarious post. ( I’m laughing while posting this comment) And winning over the daemon namely chocolate is a resolution, I would like to copy from you.

  50. You kept me smiling, Mayuri. There are a lot of things i wana do too. Not made any resolutions yet, hoping to stick to only a few I feel I can manage. 🙂

  51. OMG . This is an amazing list of resolutions ! I loved the drinking and driving part the best. I’m sure you’ll stick to these ….good luck with the rest of the year!

  52. Hilarious! I am sure you would keep these resolutions. Do a follow-up post at the end of the year! 🙂

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