Midnight Musings

You never feel so alone as you do when
1) You are the only one in the room who does not get the joke
2) You are lying wide awake in the middle of the night while the whole world sleeps.

My bedside clock tells me it’s 2:12. It’s ok. I like even numbers.
I switch on the television, hoping to catch some scheming bahu hard at work, but there’s no sign of them today.

I have counted the stars, all the sheep in New Zealand, Liz Taylor’s husbands, and diamonds (she has more of the latter, btw, smart woman). Just as an aside, she made this famous quote once, ‘I have never hated a man enough to give him back his diamonds’. I found it hilarious!

I hate the way I digress, that causes me some sleepless nights too, but back to the topic!

So, you wonder what to do, when sleep eludes you at 2.
You raid the fridge, caring a damn about the calories. You try to read, but the words don’t interest you for long.
Your favorite music has never sounded so banal before. Your mind is propelling you towards an area that you have long avoided successfully.
It’s forcing you to ‘think’. About thoughts, you don’t want to. The ‘what ifs’, the ‘I should have said that/done that’. But then, we are all geniuses in hindsight, so you push those thoughts away this time, too.

I realize my birthday is coming up soon. No milestone this, but as it’s year-end and most people are clearing up old accounts and taking an inventory, I decided to do the same about my years so far.

Life has been a smooth ride. When I thought it was getting boring, the car broke down a couple of times; a few ditches, ruts, and sometimes pebbles came along the way to jar me a little, and it shook me a bit then, and parts of me hurt for a long time. But then again, some of the same parts hurt when you kick yourself hard for doing or not doing something too. So all’s fair, I think.

I have never felt the grass is greener on the other side. if it does seem so, sometimes it is astroturf. And if and when I did or do, I mow my lawn better.
Most of the time, when I have wanted a thing, I’ve gone for it full throttle, and after I have got it, I’ve realized I don’t like it anymore. It’s horrible to be in this situation, and very embarrassing too. You have no explanation to give, and whatever you say sounds stupid, even to you.

I made some major faux pas in life but got away with just a few scratches. Thousands of times I have found myself questioning God ‘Why me?’ and have rarely got an answer then. It was revealed much later, and only then I understood and believed in ‘Whatever happens, happens for a reason’. I’ve learned that sweating over small stuff doesn’t matter because,sometimes, you’ve got away with things no one even knows about *big, evil grin!*

Had planned my life to the T and then sat back.
Well, there were some surprises in store.

Life has this habit of waiting for me to turn some corner and it startles me by yelling out ‘SURPRISE!’ 
This shakes me up good and proper, I’ll be honest, but most of the time, it’s worked out super!

I was all set to start my baking business. Had everything ready. Suddenly decided to go for a holiday before I could start.
On holiday, I picked up Tarot Reading out of curiosity.
It has been a while since I got back from my holiday, and still no sign of ‘Cakewalk’, which was what I christened my baking biz:) but I am a professional Tarot Reader now! Go figure!! 😉

My writing started when thoughts came to mind that I could no longer ignore. I jotted them down and promptly forgot all about them! Thoughts turned to quotes, quotes turned to poetry, and one poetry became two, then three, and now I have 200+ poems and a book ready to approach publishers with! 

I participated in a writing exercise on a writer’s forum and found I liked writing prose better than poetry. Wrote 2 really, really short stories, which I later found out were called ‘flash-fiction’. I started writing more, and now I have 17 short stories, and publishing them is a dream that I really, really wish to come true.

So life has been pretty serendipitous. Have enjoyed the journey till now. I wandered into the lanes, and those have been interesting too. Went into ‘No Entry’ zones and paid the fine.

No regrets at all. I would live it the same way I have done, given another chance.

I still don’t know which corners life is waiting on the other side of to yell ‘SURPRISE’, but then that makes the walk all the more exciting, doesn’t it?

I take life as the ‘join-the-dots’ puzzle we all did when we were little. We only saw the picture after we joined the dots from one to the other. So, I am following the instructions and connecting the dots as I go by. Do get stuck sometimes, but someone always comes by to help:) and I know the final picture is going to be even more beautiful than I can imagine it to be.

My bedside clock tells me it’s 5:58 am. It’s ok. I like even numbers. More than that, I like to watch a new sunrise.

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