1 top Hero, Akshay Kumar
2 Side Heroes, Arjun Rampal and Riteish Deshmukh
1 Comic Actor, Boman Irani
2 over the top currently-out-of-work veteran/almost veteran actors, Randhir Kapoor and Chunky Pandey
3 scantily clad Bimbos, Lara Dutta, Deepika Padukone and Jiah Khan
1 fast paced item number
Skin show (both male and female)
Songs scattered through
Cliches (which must include Gujju’s and homosexuals)
Scenic locations, Italy. U.K and Macau
Special Note: Adding a Story will spoil the dish.
Introduce the main Hero (who is misfortune’s favorite child affectionately called Panauti/Loser, who causes unlucky things to happen wherever he goes. The only thing that keeps him going is a prediction that says his bad luck will change to good luck the day he marries a woman he is in love with and who is in love with him)
Cook on a slow flame as you gradually add the 2 side Heroes ( Riteish Deshmukh as Bob/Baburao who works in a casino, is adorable, while Arjun Rampal, playing Deepika’s brother, glowers sexily throughout the film). Pepper with corny humor.
After a bit, add the Comic Actor as well (Boman Irani, playing a clichéd Gujrati and Lara’s father, is completely wasted).
Since the dish looks bland it’s time to add the scantily clad Bimbos (Lara Dutta playing a cocktail waitress in a sequined red playboy bunny costume, and Deepika who I didn’t understand what she actually did, both of who look toned up and really wonderful, while Jiah Khan, playing a spoilt brat, looks like a nightmare dressed in drag in her bikini shot).
Turn up heat a little with bikini shots/scantily clad shots and animated gestures (Lara Dutta beats Jim Carey hollow with her strange facial expressions) and screechy dialogue deliveries. Sprinkle some more corny humor.
Reduce the flame and cook slowly. Continue adding skin show and throw in a song or 2 at timed intervals. Add some more corny humor.
Let the ingredients mingle on a slow flame and remember to add bits of over the top currently-out-of-work veteran actors (Radhir Kapoor was so animated and loud that I flinched each time he appeared on screen and Chunkey Pandey, the circus needs you!) when you remember to. Time to add the clichés to spice up the dish some more. Don’t forget to add a dash of corny humor as well.
Since the dish is almost done, but looks more appetizing than it tastes, it is now the perfect time to add the fast paced item number.
By now you may have exhausted all the ingredients and realized the dish tastes far from appetizing, so add the garnish to the dish to help enhance it.
Let it cook till done.
Consume at your own risk.