Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This is a topic that has been discussed and dissected when it is not being used, abused, referred to, or taken advantage of, each time debating inhabitants of Mars and Venus come face to face.
Because the chasm between the two planets is so vast, messages, by the time they reach the other side, tend to get warped. A Venusian may say something and the Martian may interpret it as something else, and vice versa.
It is often said that communication is the best way to keep a relationship going. So here are a few things Venusians would like Martians to know, from one planet to the other. We hope the messages reach them in the essence they were intended;
* Please look us in the eye when you talk to us. In case of navigational difficulties, our eyes are those two black/brown/green/blue/ and white-colored disks on our face. Our face is that object that’s balanced on our neck. Our neck is that tubular growth sprouting up from between our shoulders. Our shoulders are those curves that precede our chest. Our chest is that region you have been staring at ever since you walked in.
* The only correct answer to the question, “Do I look fat in this?” is “No darling, you are perfect.” Memorize it.
* You can be as metrosexual/ retrosexual (or whatever the latest term, used to refer to your being in touch with your aesthetic side is) as you like, as long as you don’t filch our beauty products, hair accessories, and jewelry.
* Diamonds, jewelry, bags, and shoes are investments. The Xbox, Play station, and other similar gadgets are not.
* If we come to you with a problem, don’t play counselor. We’ll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.
* Of course, that swimwear model is perfect, she’s airbrushed! Oooohh! Look at the perfect six-pack on the shirtless model, he works out.
* We wonder why you don’t follow some of the unisex beauty and fashion tips from our girly magazines that you secretly read from cover to cover.
* We like watching sport too. Particularly those which have a bunch of good-looking, hunky, sweaty, and just-appropriately-enough-clad men playing the field. This is why cricket and the F1 make us reach for the remote.
* Hair any longer than the shoulders is a horror to maintain. If you like long hair, grow yours.
* We are as scared of commitment as you are. We imagine Ranbir Kapoor/Benedict Cumberbatch sprinting towards us, holding aloft a rock-sized solitaire and apologizing for not realizing we were ‘The One’, just as we are about to slip the ring onto your finger.
* When you tell us to ‘Relax’, we getter madder still.
* We love your mother just as much as she loves us.
* Grooming yourself is not so tough; take our word on that one. Having an occasional manicure/pedicure is not injurious to health. Bathing every day is not known to have caused sudden, untimely death to any man. Brushing your teeth twice a day and clipping your toenails, before you stab someone to death with them, will not kill you either.
* When we go to the bathroom together, we talk about you.
* We have convenient and selective amnesia and hearing.
* When we say that we know something is going on, something is undeniably going on, and you’d better own up soon.
* We are thinking of the children when we secretly hope for a good-looking husband.
This post is just me thinking aloud. Whatever hidden meaning or political incorrectness you may find in it will be your own interpretation of it. Do spare me the details, please.
This is my 2nd post for the Blogchatter #MyFriendAlexa Campaign. You can read my 1st post for the same here