Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This is a topic that has been discussed and dissected when it is not being used, abused, referred to, or taken advantage of, each time debating inhabitants of Mars and Venus come face to face.
Because the chasm between the two planets is so vast, messages, by the time they reach the other side, tend to get warped. A Venusian may say something and the Martian may interpret it as something else, and vice versa.
It is often said that communication is the best way to keep a relationship going. So here are a few things Venusians would like Martians to know, from one planet to the other. We hope the messages reach them in the essence they were intended;
* Please look us in the eye when you talk to us. In case of navigational difficulties, our eyes are those two black/brown/green/blue/ and white-colored disks on our face. Our face is that object that’s balanced on our neck. Our neck is that tubular growth sprouting up from between our shoulders. Our shoulders are those curves that precede our chest. Our chest is that region you have been staring at ever since you walked in.
* The only correct answer to the question, “Do I look fat in this?” is “No darling, you are perfect.” Memorize it.
* You can be as metrosexual/ retrosexual (or whatever the latest term, used to refer to your being in touch with your aesthetic side is) as you like, as long as you don’t filch our beauty products, hair accessories, and jewelry.
* Diamonds, jewelry, bags, and shoes are investments. The Xbox, Play station, and other similar gadgets are not.
* If we come to you with a problem, don’t play counselor. We’ll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.
* Of course, that swimwear model is perfect, she’s airbrushed! Oooohh! Look at the perfect six-pack on the shirtless model, he works out.
* We wonder why you don’t follow some of the unisex beauty and fashion tips from our girly magazines that you secretly read from cover to cover.
* We like watching sport too. Particularly those which have a bunch of good-looking, hunky, sweaty, and just-appropriately-enough-clad men playing the field. This is why cricket and the F1 make us reach for the remote.
* Hair any longer than the shoulders is a horror to maintain. If you like long hair, grow yours.
* We are as scared of commitment as you are. We imagine Ranbir Kapoor/Benedict Cumberbatch sprinting towards us, holding aloft a rock-sized solitaire and apologizing for not realizing we were ‘The One’, just as we are about to slip the ring onto your finger.
* When you tell us to ‘Relax’, we getter madder still.
* We love your mother just as much as she loves us.
* Grooming yourself is not so tough; take our word on that one. Having an occasional manicure/pedicure is not injurious to health. Bathing every day is not known to have caused sudden, untimely death to any man. Brushing your teeth twice a day and clipping your toenails, before you stab someone to death with them, will not kill you either.
* When we go to the bathroom together, we talk about you.
* We have convenient and selective amnesia and hearing.
* When we say that we know something is going on, something is undeniably going on, and you’d better own up soon.
* We are thinking of the children when we secretly hope for a good-looking husband.
This post is just me thinking aloud. Whatever hidden meaning or political incorrectness you may find in it will be your own interpretation of it. Do spare me the details, please.
This is my 2nd post for the Blogchatter #MyFriendAlexa Campaign. You can read my 1st post for the same here
Love the shade of sarcasm!
Thank you, Siddhant.
This is awesome, it took away all my alexa blues.
I completely agree that when anyone asks me to relax the Fahrenheit rises further and
This one 😀
* If we come to you with a problem, don’t play counselor. We’ll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.
Thank you, Ujjwal!
haha! This was so refreshing to read.
Thank you, Manali.
Nice post
Ok
I love reading post . It bring smile on my face so trueeeee.
Thank you, Gurjeet.
😛 Such subtle humour. The best one was—- —- Hair any longer than the shoulders is a horror to maintain. If you like long hair, grow yours.
Thank you, Neerja!
Hear hear!! Diamonds, bags, shoes etc are definitely investments. Thank you for saying it all out loud
You’re welcome, Seema! I speak for all womankind!:))
Love the way you make subtle darts at the Martians. I to have all these thoughts but I don’t have the gall to pen it down. Kudos to you Mayuri
A good writer is someone who writes what everybody else only thinks:))
Ha! Ha! Ha! This was so good.
“We love your mother just as much as she loves us.”
“…cricket and F1.”
Bang on!
We could all do with some laughs every now and then, couldn’t we, Satabdi!:))
I was laughing aloud reading this one If only the Mars people took some advice and stopped teaching Venus what to do we would have to talk and explain much less to them!
With you on this, Varsha! Thank you for reading.
Dear Venusian,
Duly Noted,
Warm Regards
—
Martian.
Jokes apart. Nice post!
Thank you, Aditya!
Lol…. After a hectic session this is what I was looking for. So true.. Love it. While reading I was loke oh yes everything sounds so true.
Glad to know that you enjoyed reading it, Swati.
I love reading your posts. They always are something new. I really enjoyed this one too. Some of the ones you mentioned are very true.
Thank you, Madhuji.
Ahahahaha! You go girl!
* grin*
This is a wonderful post. I am smiling. will surely share this post with my hubby first. :p
Thank you, Neha.
I firmly agree with you on the first, tenth and tweflth point, rest of them were learning for me. You always mix humor with sarcasm perfectly.
Thank you, Paresh.
You have so much to say to Martians, hehe. Good post, Mayuri 🙂
Thank you, Neha.
Nice and sarcastic post!! 🙂
Thank you.
Truly a relaxing read
Thank you.
Wonderful post. While reading I was like yes everything sounds so true and relatable
Thank you, Jyoti.
Mayuri, the beauty of teh post is each one of us will be nodding in agreement after reading the post. The relax expression just hits hard.
Thank you, MeenalSonal.
This is a reflection post of what I have in my heart for them. Well, you point ‘If we come to you with a problem, don’t play counsellor. We’ll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.’
I would like to add that we tell you because we want YOU to hear us.
Sucha a great post, Mayuri!
Thank you, Geethica. So glad it resonated with you.
Absolutley, I love watching sports and I love being ME! Hope you hear me Marsian 🙂
Thank you, Mandavi.
Hahaha good one. We are thinking of our kids when we look for good looking husbands LOL
Thank you, Cindy.
Brilliant and deep.
Thanks.
Loved the sarcasm, Mayuri. This post is was such a fun read. And you have dropped some truth bombs for sure.
Thank you, Ritu.
This is the best post I read today. Good one Mayuri. I completely enjoyed reading it.
Thank you, Deepa.
* Diamonds, jewelry, bags, and shoes are investments. The Xbox, Play station, and other similar gadgets are not. I had a a hearty laugh! I can connect to all these statements! I should forward this to the better half.
Thank you, Pratibha.
he he he! I was chuckling so hard reading this post! I simply love how you can be so sarcastic and funny at the same time!!amazing!
Thank you, Harshita.
I am laughing ear to ear while typing this…so please spare me for typos or grammatical errors. Loved every bit of you talking aloud, this was like collective consciousness for those from Mars to understand. Looking forward to more posts from you.
Glad you enjoyed reading it, Ninu.
The only correct answer to the question, “Do I look fat in this?” is “No darling, you are perfect.” Memorize it. I do that all the time. Bit bored now
You’re a writer! Think of something new!
As much as I loved the post, I have to say the disclaimer was perfect. I love this quote: I’m only responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Thank you, Suchita.
I guess this is the best thing I read in last few weeks. I was smiling with my mouth wide open, and as my husband asked why so, I read this post to him. I felt this is written for him, every point and every message is like from my own heart. You helped me conveying a lot of stuff Mayuri 🙂
Hahahahah! I hope he gets the points, Shipra.Thank you for reading!
Apparently laughing loudly with a sheet mask on is not a good idea. But I just did, reading this. I hope the Martians get it.
Thank you, Leha. I hope they do too :))))
I have read the book. And it is really amazing and so is your super post ! Loved every word
Thank you, Aurora.
Ha!! Ha!! One of the best refreshing post that I read. So true and relatable. Few points were bang on.
Glad you enjoyed reading it, Debidutta.
Was laughing at the bathroom sentence…hehe.
A great post from you as always.
‘Hair any longer than the shoulders is a horror to maintain’
This made me LOL and I was like ‘Yeah, girl!’
Hahahaha! This is the trademark Mayuri humour. Loved the candidness of the post. #MyFriendAlexa #TinasPicks