A couple of weeks ago YouTuber, Influencer, and Actress Prajakta Koli shared a Reel on her Instagram profile where she spoke about families taking their kids to restaurants. In it, she mentioned how letting kids running amok in restaurants is not ok. Her choice of words, ‘Yaar meri plate mein ghoor raha tha who baccha’ (That child was staring at my plate of food) could have been better but I saw nothing wrong with her sharing her view.
A lot of Mom Bloggers did not agree with her though and they united against Prajakta’s view. Some made reels in protest, many claimed to have unfollowed her even as they urged others to do the same. Others asked why she hated kids so much. Of course, the most common advice was ‘we’ll ask you this when you have kids of your own.’
I have lost count of the number of times I have pulled back a toddler just in time before it either stepped on an escalator or was crushed between the closing doors of an elevator in Malls, even as their parents were either on the phone, eating, or shopping. Once or twice I have also led sobbing children to their parents who were unaware that their child was missing. While traveling I have had my hair pulled by an infant seated in the row behind me, and once food in the infant’s hands was plastered to my hair as he lunged to grab it.
Displaying any thought or reaction at such times is not allowed, more so because I don’t have children and I am not a mother. Because if I do so, I find myself at the receiving end of this question, ‘Do You Hate Children?’.
I still cannot make sense of why anyone would think I hate children just because I chose not to have them. It’s just like assuming that all women are maternal and women who have children love their children and motherhood. None of the above statements are right. There are no rules and there are no musts.
If a mother shared her view towards another child or mother, no one will mind. However, if I do the same, the reaction won’t be so compassionate. ‘What does she know anything about children? She is not a Mother.’ is what I will get to hear, and hear.
So I choose to zip up.
I love children and all the children I have interacted with me love me back. I am very patient with them and love being part of children’s conversations. In fact, a few Mothers in the family have kept their kids away from me as their kids apparently asked them why they couldn’t be more like ‘Mayuri Aunty’.
I have just learned to keep a poker face when there is any discussion about kids around me, so no, that does not mean I hate children. Interestingly, Prajakta Koli has taken down her post.
This is my 3rd Post post for #CauseAChatter a campaign with Blogchatter. I chose #GenderTalks and will be writing a post a month on a topic close to my heart #ChildFree.
My 1st Post is here
2nd Post is here
Every word is so true. Even voicing an opinion is like inviting a battle with people. Everyone have their choices and we must respect it without hate.
Thank you for reading,Leha.
You’re right of course. Just because someone chooses not to have children doesn’t mean they hate kids. In fact I know of women who become moms by default and just aren’t into their kids. I didn’t see the post you mentioned but I do think she could have framed it better. Sometimes in an attempt at being funny one ends up being hurtful and the real message is lost simply because of the tone. That said, there is little excuse to let a child run lose in a public place while you sit oblivious to it.
Another issue that’s very sensitive and needs to be brought out for discussion. And what you say is true. People assume that unmarried folks cannot have an opinion about marriages and it’s related problems…. similarly, a mother who chooses not to ha e a child doesn’t know a word about parenting. This is actually funny…isn’t it? Well written.
Loved your post! I truly believe in the fact that one has its own choice and decision and others should not judge anyway,
I was one of those moms who reacted to that particular reel video. For me, it was not about criticizing someone to have an opinion but to call on parents as lame/lazy/unaware or simply not bothered.
Having a kid or not is definitely a personal opinion and no one should be called for to have a personal choice.
Indians never missed passing judgments as if its their birth right, despite understanding the point of view of other people. This post has given voices to many silent souls. loving it
wow…nicely written… indeed people tend to judge us depending on our life choices and do not waste much time in passing comments. when will people learn to accept the other person’s point of view!
These days voicing an opinion is like inviting a war. While I am okay with any kind of opinion since everyone is entitled to have their own. I am also in favor of teaching kids simple things like not being unruly at a public place. Judging people for their choices is weird, IMO. Acceptance is still rare in our society, unfortunately.
Nicely written. It’s a choice, and every choice needs to be respected. Motherhood is something every woman naturally bears within irrespective of whether you give birth or not. Not wanting to have kids and not liking them are completely different.
It is absolutely OK to be child free by choice. I have had people telling child free couples “you will suffer the consequences” etc but I feel it is their choice and should not be judged for it. Just like you don’t judge people with children.