You may take any decision you wish to, but the 3 C’s of human nature will not let you be. What are the 3 C’s? I call Curiosity, Concern, and Cruelty the 3 C’s.
‘When will you have a child?’
‘Why don’t you have a child yet?
‘Aren’t you able to conceive?’
‘I know a very good IVF Clinic that gives 100 percent results.’
‘Arre, have a child while you can still run behind it.’
Are the kinds of questions and observations that I have learned to brush aside as they stem from simple human curiosity.
My Parents, siblings, and a few close friends were devastated when I shared my decision to choose to be Childfree. A lot of them told me that they had been waiting for me to embrace motherhood as they had a feeling I would be a great Mom. Having said that it was reassuring to hear from them that even though they did not agree with my decision they respected it, and me, enough to stand by my choice.
Then there were some ‘well-meaning’ relatives and friends who, after automatically assuming that there was a biological defect in me, nonchalantly suggested that I should just adopt someone from the family. A nephew here, a niece there. In fact, when my sister had her twin daughters, relatives had the gall to suggest that, ‘I should just take one’.
The experience of life has made me realize that a lot of people don’t put a thought before a word, but that doesn’t give them the excuse to be obnoxious. What is cruel is the assumption that I did not have a child because I couldn’t and the other one being I can just pick any random child and make it mine.
I understand that the concept of choosing not to have a child is still an alien concept in India but is it necessary to ridicule what you don’t understand? We may have made a decision to be Childfree but that has not made us emotion-free.
This is my 2nd Post post for #CauseAChatter a campaign with Blogchatter. I chose #GenderTalks and will be writing a post a month on a topic close to my heart #ChildFree.
You can read my 1st post here
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla, and generously SPONSORED BY Bugshield Clothing – Don’t be Bugged!
Seriously, what is this “just take one!” Makes my blood boil to hear people say that, as if children were pieces of luggage!
Truly. Shows how little they care for anyone’s feelings, and for children.
I understand you completely. Even I don’t want children, my reason is different though. I love them. But after my accident, I am afraid of needles, operations anything that has to do with the hospital!
Big hug, Monidipa.
People dunno how to Live and Let Live. They just want to poke their noses into others lives. I am always asked why I don’t go to live with my son or daughter. Just ignore them Mayuri.
Thanks, Harjeet.
Completely understand. Having a child, or not having and if having then when to have it should be the couple’s decision. But unfortunately, the entire society start pitching their ideas about this topic. Stay strong.
Thanks, Alpana.
Glad that you as a blogger took this topic! Yes, this is hardly accepted I’m India.
Bloggers and influencers should make this a cause and have people aware of this, that its ok!!
Thank you, Sadvika.
I think people love to talk. Having said that, I thought I wasn’t someone who wanted kids of my own either. Now, though it is a roller coaster, I love the fact that I have two little people who think the world of me. Also, I’m glad to know that I’m doing a pretty good job being a cool mom – I think that. Let’s see till when they agree with me on that.. Hahaha!
🙂
Ha ha ha. I identify with this so much. “Well-Meaning” friends and family that want you to have a child so that you can be “complete”. And not many bother to find out why you dont have a child. I have sailed in this boat too….and now that iam 42 many dont suggest visiting a doctor. Earlier I would get affected by this….after a few years I just learnt to ignore, sometimes even engage sarcastically. Unfortunately many of them miss the sarcasm.
Yes, they miss the sarcasm! More so when I tell them their children will take care of us in our old age!:)))
Seriously, that’s the audacity these well-meaning friends and relatives take with us. I heard far worse earlier before Shrav was born. Anyways, the past is past. Bravo and my best wishes on your decision.
Thank you, Suhasini. I have shared a very filtered version here:)
Mind your own business.. Might sound rude but this is what they deserve to be told. Having a child or not is ones personal choice.
So tempted to tell them that!
Being judgemental is the birthright I guess of many. People want to offload their frustrations on others. I wish they understood that certain decisions are a personal choice.
So true, Manisha.
Seriously, Mayuri. People need to respect an individual’s choices and decisions. I could relate to it, have faced a fair share of the 3Cs due to my singlehood. In a country like India, everyone loves poking their noses.
Oh prior to this, I faced a lot of gyaan about my singlehood too, Ritu. Hugs.
Just ask those people to take their kids. People don’t think twice before speaking. It must have been hard for you to listen to these people. Hugs:) It’s great that you stood by your decision.
It was hard. Thank you, Priyanka.
I respect you Mayuri, and it is only for you and your husband to decide on this. Those well-meaning friends and relatives can only talk and give their unsolicited advice. Why don’t people mind their own business?
If only they would, Priye.
You do you! But our elders in the Indian community would find it so difficult to accept our decisions. Hope with time and age there is more broad-mindedness in our society!
Amen to that, Shahira!
You know what’s best for you…somehow people get the wrong idea about it. People always have opinions and suggestions and all sorts of tips and tricks to fix everything…but they don’t get that, nothing’s broken, no fixing required
So well said, Raunica.
That’s what we call a judgemental society; sadly, such minds surround us. Agree India is not ready to think that way. Opting for being childfree is far away; society does not spare the couples having a single child; they start cooking to their mind about their wives’ incompetency, conceiving the second time.
Yes, I see that happening too.
Childfree by choice was unheard of in our times. But at least now people should respect the couple’s decision. People love to talk and will always pass judgement. It is best to ignore.
Thank you, Madhu Ma’am.
Well we all live in a society which follows a loop , so things outside the loop will always b quizzed and questioned….but I think it’s a personal choice and the families must support 🙂
Well said, Aishwarya!
Ohh my God this was super relatable as we took 5 yrs to plan a kid and that’s how we wanted it…. but relatives …ohhhhhh
Yes, relatives!
No matter what decision you take for yourself if it doesn’t fit societies already set criteria then people are going to talk. Having kids or not its someone personal choice.
You said it!
Absolutely. The decision to be childfree or not should rest with the partners only and it’s none of anyone else’s business. Ur life, ur wish and ur ways. Only if people understood and followed this mantra.
Very few people are sensible enough to.
I know what you mean. I have had my share of “well-meaning” suggestions.
I am sure.
I agree with you,. To have a child or not is solely the couple’s decision. Unfortunately we live in a society where people decide the future course of action in other people’s lives.
True that, Amritha.
Can totally understand the frustration that would have boiled up on such comments. Maybe they want you to taste the same trouble and are jealous .
People who say such things are not only insensitive but enjoy hurting others.
Some of Indian thinkings are ridiculous. Most of the people comment without knowing the reason nor even logics. You need not pay attention on such comments.
I am experiencing that:)
I totally understand you . Having a child, or not having should be the couple’s decision. But our society has habit of poking their nose .
True that, Jyoti.
That is so true. There are so many of my friends who are childfree with choice. Kudos to you for writing about the same. A lot of time people just want to interfere in your life.
Parenting is a huge commitment for lifetime. If you cannot give the same, then one should not become a parent at all. I know so many couples who consciously do not spend time with their children and look at them only as a formality to be completed for the society.
I would love to interview you on the same.
That is such a rational way of looking at a choice someone made, Aishwarya. Thank you.
There is so much strength in your words. People should just mind their own business sometimes. Very well handled and these things need to be written about Mayuri. Kudos to you
I agree and understand. At times we just assume that everyone should tick number of boxes if they are similar to us. What we don’t realize is that there might be some boxes that they just don’t want to tick. I think we as a country still haven’t come to terms with the idea of personal choices that go beyond career.
Really nice blog article and helpful