It was at our Wedding Reception when the Congratulations and Best Wishes were followed by blessings like ‘Putravati Bhava’ (may you bear a Son) and requests like ‘We want good news / a bouncing baby boy before your 1st anniversary’. It was annoying to be gender selectively blessed, but we were basking in newlywed happiness to give much thought to the blessings and requests.
We crossed an important milestone in our marriage recently, by celebrating a decade together and the blessings and requests still haven’t ceased.
This leads me to believe that people are so used to unconsciously following the herd that they don’t realize that some choices, however unconventional for the society they may be, are still choices.
What am I talking about?
I am talking about Childfree being a Choice we made. This is a choice that has been very difficult, not for us but for others. Family, friends, most relatives, and curious acquaintances.
Take this post, for instance, I know that at least half the people reading it will be the ones who were curious to know why I don’t have children but are too politically correct, or perhaps afraid, to ask me. They find themselves here hoping to, finally, find out the reason why I am ‘childless’.
Is there something ‘wrong’ with me? Or does the ‘problem’ lie with my husband?
Why don’t I seek treatment?
What will happen to us in our old age, who will take care of us?
So many concerns, but no respect for a choice that we made after a lot of thought and deliberation.
Don’t you make choices all the time? From choosing what toothpaste you use to which movie you plan to watch? From where should you live to where you will be investing your money?
Speaking for myself, when I make a choice it is made after a lot of thought, and once I do I stand by it. Being Childfree was a Choice I made along with my partner and we stand by it. Why we made it is our personal matter.
#NoKidNoCry is a hashtag that could be interpreted in varied ways, but what we coined it for was that people’s assumption that you are unhappy about not having a child. That if you don’t have a child it is almost always because of some ‘defect’ or because you haven’t been ‘blessed enough to have one’. Most also assume that we secretly pine for a child, wish for one, and are always looking at another child with a smile on our face and a bleeding heart inside.
Stop assuming!
A choice is a choice. even if no one else understands it. That is all people need to understand.
This is my 1st post for #CauseAChatter a campaign with Blogchatter. I chose #GenderTalks and will be writing a post a month on a topic close to my heart #ChildFree
You have talked about such an important point. A choice is a choice and people must respect it.
Thank you, Purba.
Assuming is the favourite hobby of negligent people! Respecting choices is something that very few understand. Glad you are writing this Mayuri.
Thank you, Leha.
Oh I agree. People want everyone to fit into one single, age-old, traditional mould without thinking or exercising their right to choose. If you deviate even a little bit there are a million conjectures. I’m glad you’re writing about this Mayuri.
I loved the point about curiosity and also what you said how choice is a choice and should be respected irrespective of reasons.
Thank you, Suchita.
People are fast at assuming and ofcourse more interested in what’s going on in others lives than their own.
This was such an honest post. Its not easy for sure but I am glad you are writing about this. Hugs!
Thank you, Deepa.
So true! People assume that if you are a married couple you are going to have kids. Not having one is assumed to be a problem either with u or ur other half. Why don’t they realise it is just a choice. Not everyone in this world is born with the wish to have a kid we can choose otherwise and be happy and content with our lives.
What people don’t understand, they question. Glad my post resonated with you, Shail.
There is no guarantee that a child will or should support the parents in old age. Child is neither a fixed deposit nor money back policy…I wish, this world can understand the fact. I totally respect your decision & admire the conviction on your choice.