We all get hurt. We all also hurt.
But when you carry forward a hurt done to you long after the reason for it has either ceased to exist or faded away then it is only YOU are only hurting yourself, not the person nor the situation.
When you refuse to let go of any hurt inflicted, you’ re hurting yourself more than the person or situation that hurt you.
Most people are also afraid to let go of hurt as once they let go they are faced with emptiness and the responsibility of thinking and answering themselves what next?
Any situation or emotion has power over you only as long as you allow it to, because it is wiser to control emotions rather than let emotions control you.
Life is beautiful and there are so many more emotions to experience and moments to create. Why would you want to be stuck in a toxic pit of hurt?
As the happy, high and wise Bob Marley said – ‘The truth is that everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones suffering for’
We all know someone, or probably even are that someone, who boasts of being brutally honest.
They wear that badge with pride, trampling on feelings, crushing confidences and sometimes bringing tears to other people’s eyes with their, self-proclaimed version of , ‘Brutal Honesty’. Sometimes making you wonder what do they enjoy more, the brutality or the honesty? Because, more often than not, the very same people cannot accept anyone else being honest with them. And I am not even talking about being brutally honest here, just plain honest.
Honesty is difficult. People may endorse it, claim to have plenty of it but very few people appreciate it.
We may be honest in our mind but on the journey from thought to words honesty usually transforms into diplomacy, and sometimes even lies. For a number of reasons, like we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or don’t want to be disliked being the top two.
Should you be honest then? Yes, please! With people who know you, and will appreciate that trait. With people who know you mean well and won’t hold speaking the truth against you.
What about with the others? Keep mum, or be diplomatic, till you get to know them well enough for them to appreciate your honesty.
Two syllables, and so much thought about using them.
Why are most of us afraid to say No?
Are we people pleasers? Or just plain gutless? I think it could be anything between the two, right?
Saying No is usually preceded with a lot of internal struggle and stress and sometimes even after all that you end up saying Yes, to favours you didn’t want to do, tasks you were trying to avoid and sometimes lending money and things you actually did not want to.
The fear of being disliked and shunned by people, coming across as selfish, are usually the top two reasons.
Believe me when I say this, they world does not end when you say No. The Earth keeps circling around the Sun, not bothered about the word you used. People whom you say No to find someone else to do them the favour they wanted out of you or lend them something you refused to. If people dislike you for saying No, it’s still ok, the Earth shall still continue circling around the Sun but hey, you’ll like yourself more! For being brave enough to say No! So there!
So go on then, use the two syllables when you need to. Or substitute it with it’s other lengthier forms like, ‘I would not be able to…’ or ‘I cannot help you with this…’ or just coin your own!
Say Yes to more ‘No’ and breathe easy and smile!
Have you ever paused and realized the amount of pressure these two words can put on others and yourself?
Human beings come inbuilt to experience a range of emotions. Some, like love, happiness, contentment, and more are those we know as Positive emotions. Then there are the not so popular ones, like anger, hatred, despair and the like all neatly clubbed under Negative emotions or Negativity.
There is so much pressure to be positive/feel positive/think positive from everywhere, be it family, friends, social media even those whatsapp forwards that do the rounds that most of us are guilty or even afraid to feel anything ‘negative’ and talk about it when we do.
Suppressing any emotion tends to magnify it and it usually finds an outlet in some form. Kind of like putting yourself on a strict diet, thinking of the food you’ve decided to deprive yourself of and then giving in to one mad moment and binge eating, only to regret it later and realizing that portion control works better than deprivation.
In the same way it works better to experience every emotion you may be going through, keeping in mind not to let the not so pleasant ones stay back and become a habit.
Feel everything you go through, do not suppress that, and do not hold onto it either. And after you’ve done so, let it go and feel the relief. Remember portion control works better than deprivation.
This is what Being Positive should be truly about.
So, who is the most important person in your life?
Go, on tell me.
Let me guess, your parents/siblings/spouse/children? Right?
The most important person in your life should be YOU!
You, because you are the owner of your life.
You, because a healthy relationship with yourself ensures healthy relationships with everyone in your life.
You, because putting yourself first ensures that others follow it too.
You, because when you put yourself first you do the things you want to, and not things you need to.
You, because when you fall in love with yourself it is an affair that lasts a lifetime.
You, because it is YOU.
There is a fine line between being self-centred and self-assured and with experience you will know when not to step over it.
When we seek advice from others, more often than not it is just to confirm that the decision that we may have already taken is right.
If the people advising us tell us what we wish to hear, it makes us feel good.
If we get to hear what we don’t wish to, even though it may be what is truly right for us, we reject it.
If the consequence of the decision taken works for us we applaud ourselves. If not, we blame the people who advised us.
Therefore, it is best we get in touch with our soul/intuition/gut instinct/core and learn to look inwards for guidance.
Remember, only you know what is the best for you. So the next time you want advice listen to your inward voice and bravely obey that.
When one faces an uncomfortable situation or unpleasant behavior by another person(s), the most instinctive reaction is to discuss it with people you are close you.
Almost always the most common advice you are likely to get for sharing something that has hurt you will be on the lines of, ‘Forget about it’, ‘Don’t think too much about it’, ‘Such things happen all the time’, ‘Move on’ , ‘Be the bigger person and forgive’ and the like.
Funnily enough, all the people who usually give that kind of advice won’t even overlook a maid breaking crockery and it will be discussed everywhere possible.
Most people have a different set of priorities for themselves and for others. The ‘compassionate and forgiving’ personality when it comes to advising others and usually the exact opposite of it when it comes to reactions to the situations affecting themselves.
So what do you do when you are faced with a situation that has affected you in a not so nice way?
Pause, take a deep breath, and engage yourself in some other activity, like going for a walk, cleaning your cupboard etc. After you’ve calmed down reflect on the situation that took an unpleasant turn with complete honesty. Introspect what you should have said or done, or not. Since you cannot change what has already happened, learn from the said situation and see to it that it is not repeated again.
Don’t let anyone else decide what is right and wrong and your reaction to it. You faced the situation and the reaction should be yours as well. And remind yourself that no one gets to choose how you should feel.
We’ve all heard of ‘Dracula’, the Vampire who sucks the life blood out of it’s victim, leaving them drained and lifeless.
How many of us realise that at some point in our life we become, or have, a ‘Dracula’ in our life too.
‘Dracula’ or ‘Energy Sappers’ are people who latch on to other people and emotionally manipulate them with stories of their misfortune, draining the listeners in the process.
Everything is used to gain a listening ear and sympathy, from illness to financial difficulties to being single or being in an unhappy relationship. Even the topics of children and the elderly are used liberally to emotionally ensnare friends who soon become victims.
If you think you have a Dracula in your life it’s time to make some changes. Emotionally detach yourself from these Energy Sappers even if you wish to continue to help them. Don’t feel guilty for backing off and if required from cutting all ties from these Dracula’s.
Because remember, you are responsible only for the problems you create in another’s life, and not for all the ones they have.
With a brand New Year awaiting us soon most of us surely have a list of resolutions written down, to start following from the 1st of January 2017.
Why not give yourself a head start and begin today, in this last month of the year 2016?
Start with decluttering your home of all the things you’ve been hoarding, and haven’t used even once throughout the year.
Declutter your mind from rigid thoughts, old grudges, and beliefs that have not worked for you and those that have worked against you.
Your body could help with some decluttering too, by replacing unhealthy eating patterns with healthier options.
Declutter your life from set routines and your comfort zones.
Declutter your friends list, distancing yourself from people who occupy a place in your social media lists to snoop on your life but haven’t been in touch even once in this year, from friends who are always there for you when they need you, and not the other way around.
Decluttering redistributes trapped energies even as it infuses a fresh dose of energy.
So, get a head start on everyone else and start today!
When you don’t know or realise your value there will be times when people will undermine your worth or even tell you that you’re worth nothing.
And because you are unaware of your worth you might also believe them.
The cycle of second guessing yourself, your actions, choices and behaviour starts, makes you lose confidence and faith in yourself.
This is the time to stop and take stock of yourself.
Identify your pros and your cons. Work with your pros, and get your cons to work for you.
And never let anyone get away with making you believe you’re worth nothing.
Because, You are only worth what you think you are.