My Alter Ego and Me, in a tete-a-tete over a cup of tea

The world is such a wonderful place!
Things are just as they seem!
(Tee-hee. It’s the rose tinted glasses
that show her what she sees!)
People are honest
They say what they mean
(This statement is the best
it is such a scream!)
I’ve got true friends
Who’ll be there for me
(Did I mention the blinders
that stop her from seeing?)
I’m here to do my job
The rest I leave to God
(I’m sure He’s wondering
should I rewire her stupid thoughts?)
Every dark day ends
and arises a new dawn
(Gawd I’m so bored
I’m not even going to stifle this yawn!)
Happiness when shared
Generously multiplies
(Is she drugged or drunk
lemme check her glazed eyes)
Honesty is a virtue
that I hold very dear
( I can’t take anymore of this
I’m getting outta here!)

This is my 5th post for Week 3 for the Blogging Challenge #MyFriendAlexa by Blogchatter
 
I am taking my Alexa Rank to the next level with Blogchatter .
Current Rank (as on 1st September 2016) 
 
2,828,055 –  Alexa Traffic Rank
132,802 – Traffic Rank in India

10 to 1 of Me!

You know what I’ve just realised? I’ve turned into a chor narcissist!
Chor (thief) because I am busy chorofying blog topics from every blog I visit and narcissist because I’ve been choosing topics that require me to write about my favourite topic, ME!:)))

As long as I am blogging everyday, as all is fair in love, war and blogging!

Here goes my post for today, this tag is now doing the rounds of multiple blogs.



TEN HOW’S!

How did you get one of your scars? 
I have a scar on the left side of my lower lip, which I am told was courtesy a 2 and half year old me (sometime in the 13th BC) insisting on carrying a glass of water on a tray, tripping on a slipper while doing so and cutting her lip open on a piece of the the broken glass.
The lip needed stitches but no one in my family allowed it and the doctor left it to heal naturally. So it is now a scar. Which still throbs and hurts when I am somewhere extremely cold. Sacchi.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
You know, I hate birthdays, they get me very self conscious and all. Just throw cake and pressies at me from a distance and leave me alone, now that would be my ideal birthday celebration!
Last one (June 6, every year) was spent answering wishes that came through phone calls and all forms of social media after which we braved pouring rain, and a horrendous traffic jam because of it, to reach a surprise location chosen for dinner by The Husband. 

How are you feeling at this moment?
Nice-ish, after cleaning the house to within an inch of it’s life and a long, hot shower later.

How did your night go last? 
I slept like the dead.

How did you do in high school? 
Average. I hated studying.

How did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Not wearing a shirt.

How often do you see your best friends?  
I last saw one my best friends 18 years ago. Met another one a year ago. Met Mom and Dad, who are my bestest friends, 4 months ago.

How much money did you spend last month? 
Not much. I’m learning to be careful with money.

How old do you want to be when you get married? 
I wanted to be 26 when I got married, but wasn’t.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
A lovely set of even numbers.

9 WHAT’S!
Your mother’s name? 
Shakti. Yes I tease her by addressing her as, ‘Shakti Kapoor’.

What did you do last weekend? 
Read, watched TV, lazed. 

What is the most important part of your life? 
I’m not sure how to answer this really, but I really enjoy my space, writing and Tarot Reading.

What would you rather be doing? 
I’d rather be writing a book, but the muse isn’t being kind.

What did you last cry over? 
I saw this Google advert recently, about a father-son and Sholay. That teared me up a bit.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? 
Chocolate. Venting. Killing the person, who got me upset, in my imagination. Brutually.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? 
Post marriage I just try to live down the shocks and surprises, both pleasant and not so pleasant!

What did you have for breakfast? 
I have Oats at least 6 days a week. Surprise, today was Oats day!:)

8 YOU’S!
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? 
Yes, many. Salman Khan. Benicio Del Torro. Ben Affleck. Vin Diesel. 

Have you ever had your heart broken? 
Yes. Romantically and otherwise (friends, family, bloody relatives etc)

Have you ever been out of the country?
Yes.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? 
Last week I was busy whatsapping and lifted a plate covering water that was boiling on the gas. Really hot plate=burnt finger and thumb=too much pain=lecture from Husband and Mom about how i am ‘always on the phone’

Have you ever been back-stabbed by a friend? 
My stab wounds have hardened to form an armour that now protects me * that was good, wasn’t it? smug look on face* 

Have you ever had sex on the beach? 
Yes. Now let your imagination run wild! Lol!

Have you ever read an entire book in a day? 
I usually do.

7 WHO’S!
Who was the last person you saw? 
The garbage collector.

Who was the last person you texted? 
My Sister

Who was the last person you hung out with? 
The Husband

Who was the last person to call you? 
The Husband

Who did you last hug? 
The Husband

Who is the last person who texted you? 
An  offer that said I have won a few hundred million dollars and asking for my bank account details so those caring souls could deposit it in my account.

Who is the last person you said, “I Love You” to? 
I say it to myself, everyday.

6 WHERE’S!
Where do your best friends live? 
London, Pune, Bombay.

Where did you last go? 
Ranthambore and Jaipur.

Where did you last hang out?
MTR, Lalbagh. Good coffee and Dosas were had.
Where did you go to school? 
St Teresas Convent High School, Bombay.

Where is your favorite place to be?  
Anywhere with a book.

Where did you sleep last night? 
On the left side of the bed, on MY left side too. Just being specific:)

5 DO’S!
Do you think anyone likes you? 
People either love me or fear me. There is no in-between ;-D 

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Never. Ever.

Do you know the muffin man? 
No. I only know ‘Muffin Top’. Mine.

Does the future scare you? 
No.

Do your parents know about your blog?
My parents are tech-challenged 🙂

4 WHY’S!
Why are you best friends with your best friend? 
We compliment each others craziness

Why did you get into blogging? 
Way back in 2004, when I first started blogging, I thought it was ‘just cool’ to do so.

Why did your parents give you the name you have? 
According to my horoscope. The other choices were Meenakshi and Minal. 

Why are you doing this survey? 
I need to blog everyday. And I love talking about myself.

3 IFS!
If you could have one super power what could it be? 
I would choose to remain healthy and mobile all my life.

If you could go back in one time and change one thing, would you? 
Not at all. All that I am today is a sum total of what has happened to me so far.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing, what would you bring? 
Hopefully patience and common sense. So I could make a raft or something and get the hell outta there!


2 WOULD YOU EVER?
Would you ever get back together if one of your ex’s ever asked you? 
No ex or ex’s to ask me.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? 
In a heartbeat!

1 LAST QUESTION!
Are you happy with your life right now? 
I am grateful for it, and all that it brings, and takes away.

This post is part of the Half Marathon Blogging Challenge with BlogChatter

Day 8


I’m Still Weird Because

Another day! Another post!

This one inspired by Nabanitas post that had me chuckling.

I am optimistic this isn’t the last of, ‘how weird I am revelations’ and i have a feeling i shall be topping the list. Frequently.
Here goes!


I have borderline OCD, which means I am always tempted to straighten frames hung askew, or even a wee bit off, smoothen bed sheets or tablecloths, align furniture and footwear…you get the picture right? And all this in other peoples homes, hotel rooms and restaurants. And I have done it too.
I don’t drive. I have lost hope I ever will.
I hate anyone sitting on my bed once I’ve made it.
I bitch and moan to Mum about my siblings and the moment she agrees with something against them, a fire-breathing dragon has nothing on me! Mum has wisely learnt to just listen. Because she is not weird.
When I hang my clothes out to dry they have to be in ascending order, with the corners meeting.
I still ask people their star signs, and judge them accordingly in my mind.
I dislike drinking water from a glass, I have to swig it from the bottle to quench my thirst.
I could eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, dinner and in between too. Add cookies to that and I am in heaven. Except Chocolate ice cream.
Papaya is my most favorite fruit.
When I am angry I turn even more polite and soft spoken. The angrier I am the more soft spoken I get. If my whisper is illegible, you should be running. Fast.
I dislike people asking to use my hairbrush, towels etc. If I am forced to share, I never use them again.
When I am really pissed with The Husband I use endearments to address him. Through gritted teeth.

I abhor people mispronouncing or abbreviating my name.

I have no idea how, but I have this habit of getting locked up in bathrooms.
I still gawk when a see a woman smoking.
I hate eating alone. I have sometimes skipped a meal because I was all by myself.
I love watching movies alone.
I enjoy people watching, and sometimes get so engrossed in doing so I may come across as a crazy stalker.

I file away quirks I see in people, and they turn up as a character in some story.

This post is part of the Half Marathon Blogging Challenge with BlogChatter

Day 7


10 things I do when The Husband is out of town!

       

On a blog hopping spree I came across Geetikas fun postreading through which I found many           similarities, and the topic for my next post!:)

      10 things I do when The Husband is out of town!
            1) Vegetate. Completely and shamelessly.
As calm as a meditating monk or as indolent as a sloth, take your pick as long as you get the picture!:)
2) Don’t clean the house and mess it up further!
The house looks very unlike mine usually does. What never fails to surprise me is that even my borderline-OCD self approves! 
3) No TV. At all.
Ah!  The peace! 
4) No talking 
…as only whatsapp and twitter and fb, the whole day! Joy!
5) Sleep early. Or late. Or not at all…
      …if there is an interesting book begging to be read!
6) No menu planning!
      If there is anything I hate more than I hate cooking, it has to be wondering what to cook! 
      Just thinking about ‘What to make for breakfast/lunch/dinner’ kills me!
7)Window shop and wander about
      …or go watch a film, alone!
8) Eat cereal for dinner
      …and a PBJ sandwich for lunch!

      9) Enjoy the silence…
      …of an empty house. Till it starts freaking me out, at least!
10) Miss him!
      It’s all fun for a maximum of 3 days, after which I want my Husband back!

This post is part of the Half Marathon Blogging Challenge with BlogChatter

Day 6




A to Z: All that you wanted to know, but were afraid to ask :)

Tags are awesome! They act as the perfect fillers when you want to write, but have no idea what to write. 
So when I saw this tag on follow blogger, Shalini’s page I knew I had to do it!:) 
Do take it on if you wish to, it’s so much fun!:)

The A-Z of me!

A. Age :  …is just a number!

B. Biggest fear : ...is that all of them will come true!

C. Current time : …is the right time!

D. Drink you last had : …vampire blood! Gotcha! Just a boring cup of tea.

E. Every day starts with : …checking Whatsapp/fb/Twitter 🙂

F. Favourite Song : …the title song from the film, ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’

G. Ghosts – Are they real? : …I wouldn’t know, I find people scarier!

H. Hometown : Bombay!

I. In love with : Myself!

J. Jealous of : …nothing and no one!

K. Killed someone : …not yet!:) Psstttttt….wish to though!


L. Last time you cried : …why must you know EVERYTHING?

M. Middle Name : …supercalifragilistic!

N. Number of siblings : 2


O. One wish : …why this austerity? They usually come in a trio, right?:)

P. Person you last called : …The Husband.

Q. Question you’re always asked : …is, ‘Are you a Bengali/Malayalee?’ (No one believes I am a Punjabi)

R. Reason to smile : …because I have a damn good one!

S. Sounds that annoy you : …certain people breathing (wicked! wicked!;))))

T. Time you woke up : 6 am

U. Underwear colour : All you need to know is that I wear mine on the inside, unlike Superman!

W. Worst habit : …borderline OCD

V. Vacation Destination : Big list. Need 
sponsors. 

X. X-rays you last had : What’s next? Blood reports?

Y. Your Favourite Food : Pizza, anytime. Pasta, every time.


Z. Zodiac Sign : Gemini

This post is part of the Half Marathon Blogging Challenge with BlogChatter

Day 5


Movie Review: De Dana Dan

Audience Interpretation of the words De Dana Dan = beat the hell out of.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the person who conceptualized/plagiarized this film.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stars and character actors who signed on for this film, and wonder if they knew what utter fools they would be made to look like in it.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the director, who it seemed had no control over his actors, or the film. Screaming at the top of your lungs (till your veins threaten to pop out of your neck), using crude and demeaning language ( ‘kutte ki pilli’, ‘chinaaal, ‘dayan’, ‘budhiya’) does not for a funny film make.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stylist, whose garish clothes hurt the Audience’s eyes and her aesthetic sensibilities.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the music directors who, even among the 2 of them, couldn’t come up with a decent song.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan herself the most, because all she expected to see was a funny film, and came back with a headache instead.

The only funny bit;
Johnny Lever screaming in exasperation: “Kya main tawaif hoon, jo har aadmi mujhe paise deta hai’ or sum such.

Book Review: The Diary of a Social Butterfly

In her own words, Butterfly is ‘sophisty, smart and socialist.’ Her friends, Mulloo, Flopsy, Furry and Twinkle are ‘always doing competition’ with her.
According to Butterfly, those who’ve studied at Oxford come back ‘three years later an Oxen.’ She laughs till she becomes ‘historical’ says ‘Thanks God’ to not have been ‘knocked up by a truck’ wishes to meet ‘business typhoons and textile magnets’ and exclaims ‘What cheeks!’ when startled.

Butterfly calls her husband Janoo publicly, and ‘buddhi rooh / zinda laash’ privately and she has an Aunt called Pussy, who has a twice ‘die-vorced’ son called Jonkers.

A compilation of Pakistani newspaper columnist, Moni Mohsin’s, popular column of the same name, this book is a hilarious insight into Pakistan’s high-society through the eyes of the adorable, amusing, silly, ardent misspeller and lovable protagonist called ‘Butterfly’
This is one book you shouldn’t judge by its, rather garish, cover. Though you do have a better chance of enjoying the book if you are fluent in /can at least understand Urdu.

Book Review: My Friend Sancho

Dear Jasmine Shah Varma,

I just finished reading, correction smiling, through Amit Varma’s debut book, ‘My Friend Sancho’ In his acknowledgments Amit Varma credits you for the existence of this book, and adds that if the reader doesn’t like it, it’s your fault. So I guess if the reader (me) did like the book, it’s your fault too, eh? Which is why I am writing to you.

Lizards creep me out, and the one crawling on the cover kind of kept me from picking up the book for the longest. However, I ingeniously covered the lizard on the cover with a cover of my own, a picture of a gorgeous hunk if you’re interested, and began acquainting myself with Abir and Muneeza.

Abir’s character endeared him self to me almost instantly and I delightedly chuckled at his exaggerated imaginary dialogue sprinkled through the book. What I liked most about Abir, apart from his wisecracks, was that he comes across as a regular guy who doesn’t try too hard. Muneeza made a good read too, but Abir managed to overshadow her completely. The other character who I enjoyed reading about was, Inspector Thombre. I liked how the author got the typical ‘Mumbai-Inspector dialect’ down pat, and appreciated how he subtly painted the oft-misunderstood policeman in a very different shade, without ridiculing him in the process. The lizard on the cover made fleeting, though funny, guest appearances.

Not having read the authors blog, ‘India Uncut’, before I picked up the book, I had no baggage leading me towards having expectations. However, I was curious to know how the author would handle a, leaning-towards-a-cliché-if-not-handled-right, reporter looking for a sensational story premise. Clean, intelligent writing, liberally laced with humor had me speeding through the 217 pages of the book in a single sitting.

A seemingly quick and light story, its only after you finish reading the book do you realize that serious issues, like the Hindu-Muslim divide and police encounters, have been deftly dealt with by the author, astutely leaving it to the audience to take a stand on them as they wish to without moralizing on the issue himself.

This book seems like a trailer to something bigger coming next. Jasmine Shah Varma, could you will the next book into existence quickly, please?

Tagging along, yet again…

A Tag is a savior which resurrects a blog its owner doesn’t update as regularly as she should! Thanks to a visit to Shalini’s blog, I have a new post on mine:)

1. What is your current obsession?
Doing my bit towards saving the world from Global Warming, one little thing at a time.

2. What is your weirdest obsession?
The above, when I take it too far.

3. What are you wearing today?
Paisely-print beige-blue-orange Kurti and Navy Capris.

4. What’s for dinner?
Masala Roti’s and Carrot Raita.

5. What’s the last thing you bought?
Pastries. Not for me, sadly:(

6. What are you listening to right now?
Rain tapping on my window.

7. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
I know Shalini via her photographs and through them she comes across as a family-loving, graceful person with an eye for detail.

8. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Notting Hill.London.*Throw in a cleaning service as well? Please?*

9. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Pretty Mulmul/Georgette Kurtis/Tunics.Capris.Kitten-heels.Chic Sunglasses.

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Are you beaming me there? Like, right now? 😀

11. Which language do you want to learn?
None.

12. What’s your favorite quote?
‘God, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.’

13. Who do you want to meet right now?
No one comes to mind.

14. What is your favorite color?
I love bright, jewel colors and find myself rather inclined towards emerald green these days.

15. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
No favorites.

16. What is your dream job?
Best-selling Novelist.

17. What’s your favorite magazine?
Cosmopolitan.

18. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
A Spa Treatment.

19. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
VPL. Innerwear peeking out. Bad shoes.

20. Who are your style icons?
None. Although, I do admire Rekha’s style, Shabana Azmi’s dressing, J Lo’s elegance and Madonna’s constant reinvention. I also love Sonia Gandhi and Jaya Jaitely’s cotton sarees.

21. Describe your personal style.
Eclectic. Elegant. Evolving.

22. What are you going to do after this?
Start reading Amit Varma’s debut book, ‘My Friend Sancho’

23. What are your favorite movies?
Happy movies. Thrillers.

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can’t live without?
Just my face wash. I wear lippy and liner only when I HAVE to.

25. What inspires you?
The feeling that I have so much more to learn, see, do, feel.

26. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
A great pair of shoes and , preferably matching, handbag changes the look of any outfit.
Buy the best quality accessories your budget allows you to.
Don’t follow fashion trends, create them.

27. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Believe it or faint, but this has never happened. And my closet isn’t packed either.

28. Coffee or tea?
Tea mostly. Coffee rarely.

29. Pet peeve?
Unpunctuality.

The rules: Respond and rework – answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other people.

I would like it if Anuja, Maya and Shelly took this up 🙂

Pehchan Kaun!?!?


Is this
1)Your neighbourhood paanwala, with an unusual affinity for jewelry and silks.
2)A pehelwan at the akhada, with an unusual affinity for jewelry and silks.
3)Britney Spears, having a ‘the-mirror-lied-to-me-*again*’day.


Is this
1)A freak of nature.
2)A person with a rare illness, which causes strange growths to appear on the body.
3)Beyonce, having a bad hip day.


Is this
1)Pandu Havaldar.
2)Your building security guard demanding a pay hike, to feed himself better.
3)Posh Spice, having a ‘I-want-to-look-ridiculous-and-I-will’ day.


Is this
1)Another freak of nature.
2)A lush after a skirmish.
3)Madonna, having a ‘I-missed-my-Kabbalah-meet’ day.


Is this
1)Christopher Walken.
2)The retired neighborhood uncle who is fighting for a cause, always.
3)Kate Moss, having a ‘I-missed-my-daily-Botox-appointment’ day.


Is this
1)A sack of potatoes.
2)A sack of potatoes with a human torso peeping from behind it.
3)Oprah Winfrey, having a ‘Why-do-I-look-like-I-am-emerging-from-a-sack-of-potatoes’ day.